One very natural part of the grieving process is the “Feeling and Fact Finding” part – a part of active mourning where a grieving person asks “why” among a variety of other “questions.” “Why did this happen to her?” “Why did God take her?” “Why did God make her suffer?” “Will I ever see her again?”
While these seemed like questions to you, my friend, that needed answers, they were really thoughts that I needed to ask out loud to actively move myself through that Feeling and Fact Finding for my own heart. And, I know that you meant well when you answered those questions for me in a way that you thought it made me feel better. Answers such as “God needed an angel in heaven,” “ that it was God´s will that she died,” “ that it was her number that got called.”
However, it was at this time that I HAD to question God. When a person is actively mourning – this part of the process is important in making sure that there is movement towards grief resolution. For you, my friends, I did not want you to answer this question. I wanted you to sit with me – to let me ponder this question – and then to let me answer it on my own. I needed to have my own answer. Not the answer that you thought I should have. Not the answer that you learned in church. And, not the answer that you were taught in Sunday school. This had to be MY answer.
And, my answer finally came to me. The answers were truly very clear. They were:
I was blessed to have Mico in my life.
I was blessed with all of the lessons that she taught me.
That´s what God gave to me.
The last part about God and what he gave to me,… I do know this. He wants us to be happy and I know that He will make sure that she greets me in heaven and that we will see each other again. My “faith” tells me that. And, therein lies God´s will,….